


Am Leben

by troublemaker (shoseilovemail)



Category: JO1 (Japan Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Drabble, M/M, No Beta, Science Fiction, Sick Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-01
Updated: 2020-04-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:26:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23432383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shoseilovemail/pseuds/troublemaker
Summary: Ruki's waiting for Shosei to wake up, and then he'll know if he either lost everything or gained everything back again.
Relationships: Ohira Shosei/Shiroiwa Ruki
Kudos: 10





	Am Leben

[𝐀𝐦 𝐋𝐞𝐛𝐞𝐧, 𝐬𝐞𝐢𝐧]  
\- 𝐓𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐯𝐞

𝘏𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘢𝘶𝘵𝘪𝘧𝘶𝘭, Ruki thinks.

𝘚𝘪𝘮𝘱𝘭𝘺 𝘣𝘦𝘢𝘶𝘵𝘪𝘧𝘶𝘭.

With the almost glassy-white skin, the silky, soft falling blonde hair, the pursed red lips and the calmy closed eyelids he had a tranquil and strong, but at the same time fragile elegance.

He looked like the Sleeping Beauty, totally sunken into his own world, with the countless vires and maschines he was connected to being the only thing keeping him in this world.

It seemed like the tiniest touch could cause a crack in the skin.

He looked unreal.

Nonetheless, Ruki couldn't resist to lightly brush over his cheeks, carefully, as if too much pressure would cause harm.  
There was still some warmth left.

Hopefully it won't vanish further.

Ruki sighed and shuffled towards the computer next to white hospital bed.

>Enter patient data.

>Name: |  
>Birthday:  
>Height:  
>Weight:

Ruki didn't want to enter the name. He wished that it wouldn't have been him. Even if it would have saved him, the possible price he'd have to pay was too high. Ruki didn't want that. But he had had no right to stop him, and that's how he had ended as he was right now.

>Enter patient data.

>Name: 𝘖𝘩𝘪𝘳𝘢 𝘚𝘩𝘰𝘴𝘦𝘪 |  
>Birthday:  
>Height:  
>Weight:

It hurt, seeing it on the screen. But Ruki had to continue. For his sake.

Birthday? 13𝘵𝘩 𝘈𝘱𝘳𝘪𝘭 2000.  
Such a young age for all of this to happen. He didn't even turn 20 yet...

Height? 176 𝘤𝘮.  
Just bit taller than Ruki. He had always teased him about it, as if one centimetre would mean that much.

Weight? 51 𝘬𝘨.  
Way too less. Ruki had always encouraged him to eat more, he should have, considering the situation he was in, but he had always brushed it off.

Ruki wanted to believe that these factors where what had led to his current state, but he had to remind himself that it had been inevitable.  
Science had come this far, 𝘪𝘯 𝘰𝘳𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘢𝘧𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦, Ruki knew this the best himself as one of the neurologists had been working on this project, but it still seemed cruel.

It seemed so cruel to replace someone's brain with a machine.

Would they still be the same afterwards?  
Would they still be human?  
Even... even if their most crucial organ was replaced by cold steel?

Ruki wondered. And he hoped. That everything will be okay.

Suddenly the door clicked, and Ren entered the room.  
The man with hair dyed as white as his long lab coat looked concerned, of course he was concerned for his patient. He was the neurosurgeon that had led Shosei's operation.

"How is he doing? "

Ruki looked up from the computer, and sighed.  
"He's been alseep since the operation. But he breathes, everythings seems to be going well. The EEG from this morning also showed that the maschine's working. "

Ren exhaled in relief, and smiled softly.  
Ruki could clearly see that he wanted to be more cheerful, to celebrate more, that he wanted to practically jump around in excitement, but he was holding himself back, for Ruki's sake.  
Ruki didn't say anything either, he just silently appreciated his friend's concern for him and turned back to the computer.

>Enter current status of patient.  
|

"..."

"By the way, how are you going to continue now?", Ren asked, suddenly standing in the doorframe. Ruki was frightened for a tiny secont, but then he realised that he simply did not notice Ren walking over there because he had been so focused on the computer screen.

"First we'll wait for him to wake up, then.. ", Ruki said while typing, "then we'll make sure that he's alive and well, we have to give him time before we start with the tests. "

𝘛𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘴. That was what Ruki hated the most about this whole procedure. Sure, Shosei was being saved from his life-threatening brain tumor but only to serve as a test object for science. Ruki didn't want that for him. He didn't deserve that. He deserved to be alive as a human.

"I see. I'll leave you alone then. ", Ren said and left the room, closing the door behind him.  
Then it was completly silent in the room.

"...!"

Suddenly the silence was disturbed.

Something had moved.

Shosei was waking up.

Ruki immediatly stood up and rushed to the young boy's side.  
He was really waking up.  
Even with all the maschines and scans reassuring him, the most convincing evidence that he was 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 alive would be for him to wake up and move.

Shosei was just blinking, his body felt so heavy, he couldn't really move anything besides his eyelids. Where was he? Who was he? His mind was absolutly blank.  
He managed to tilt his head a bit to the side, and a young man appeared in his field of vision. His hair was dyed a bright purple, it was almost too bright for his eyes, but Shosei didn't want to turn away. The guy felt strangely familiar, as if they had been close before.  
He was shaking Shosei's shoulder, and he was crying, shouting words, but Shosei was too tired to process them.  
Who was this person again...

𝑺𝒉𝒐𝒔𝒆𝒊!

𝑺𝒉𝒐𝒔𝒆𝒊, 𝒊𝒕'𝒔 𝒎𝒆, 𝑹𝒖𝒌𝒊!

His eyes widened at the realisation. Everything came back in an instant.  
Memories of times together, of shared warmth, of intimacy - everything.  
How could he have forgotten? Ruki was such an important person to him, and-

𝑶𝒉.

He remembered another thing. Something far not as happy.  
He remembered the days of pain, of despair, everything that followed after that diagnosis-

"𝘐 𝘢𝘮 𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 𝘴𝘢𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘢 𝘮𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘨𝘯𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘣𝘳𝘢𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘶𝘮𝘰𝘶𝘳. "

Shosei doesn't really remember how he felt that day. Probably because he had felt too much. Fear, sadness, stress, anxiety.

"𝘖𝘩𝘪𝘳𝘢-𝘴𝘢𝘯, 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘮𝘢𝘺 𝘣𝘦 𝘢 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘢𝘧𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶. "

To be safed, that was everything he wanted. He wanted to live, he was afraid of dying, of having to leave everything and everyone behind.  
If there was 𝘢𝘯𝘺 way to avoid that, he'd take it.  
No matter how risky.

And that's how he had ended up here.  
Tears were now welling up in his eyes uncontrolled, as he realised that he had made it.  
He was alive.  
He could live again.  
He wasn't doomed to die anymore.  
Even if he was half a machine now, he was still alive.

Shosei still couldn't move properly, but Ruki bent down to tighly hug him, and Shosei could feel his tears dropping onto his shoulder that Ruki burried his face in. He was sobbing so hard, and Shosei shared his feelings.

Ruki had been anxious since the beginning about the surgery, he was afraid that Shosei wouldn't be himself after it, since it was common with big brain operations to cause some kind of change. And replace the whole brain was a new level. Who knew what could have gone wrong?  
But nothing had.  
Everything had went well.  
Shosei was still alive, no, he was alive 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯, and even if his brain was a machine now, he was still himself.  
A human.

𝘈𝘮 𝘓𝘦𝘣𝘦𝘯.

𝑬𝒏𝒅.

**Author's Note:**

> I was inspired to write smth science-fiction style after reading another fic, and here it is! There is a terrible lack of Rukisei content these days so i chose them. Hope you enjoyed, please leave a comment or talk to me on Twitter @/shoseilovemail.


End file.
